On the outside, I kept it together and stayed calm. But inside, I was so frustrated. Why couldn’t she just admit what happened?
Then I heard her side of the story, and it all made sense. She didn’t flush the toilet but told me she did because she thought it would save her from getting in trouble. She didn’t realize it wasn’t a big deal and panicked.
It was a good reminder that kids need us to be curious, not quick to judge. If I had immediately punished her, she might think twice about telling me the truth in the future.
I asked her, “Did you flush the toilet?” She looked at me and said, “Yes, I did!”
At that moment, I really wanted to point to the toilet and say, “No, you didn’t. Why did you lie to me? Come see, and flush it.”
I felt frustration rising inside me. Lying is one of those things that gets to me. But instead of getting upset, I reminded myself of something important…
Lying is a developmental milestone. It shows that kids can hold two thoughts at once: what’s true, and what they want to say instead.
So, even though I was triggered, I took a step back and remembered that at her age, it makes sense she’d try to lie.
My role here?
1.) Change how I react.
2.) Focus on the solution.
3.) Get curious.
1.) Change how I react and don’t set up a lie:
When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we’re allowing our children to lie. Instead of, “Did you flush the toilet?” Try:
2.) Focus on the solution:
“The toilet hasn’t been flushed. Let’s go flush it.”
3.) Get curious –
if they still lie
I knelt down next to her. “Can you help me understand why you said you flushed the toilet when you didn’t?”
My daughter quickly ducked behind the bathroom door, embarrassed even though I had stayed calm.
She stayed quiet for a bit. I waited patiently, keeping things light and answering my toddler’s questions. I didn’t rush her. Finally, she peeked around the door and said softly, “I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” “Ah, I see. You were worried I’d be upset, so you told me what you thought I wanted to hear.”
She nodded. I smiled and asked to hug her. “Thank you for telling me the truth. You know, in our family, we always tell the truth, even if we’re worried we might get in trouble. And hey, flushing the toilet. is easy! Let’s go do it together.”
We walked back into the bathroom, and she flushed the toilet with a relieved smile.
Kids who lie need to know, more than ever, that they’re safe with us, even when they tell the truth. It’s about creating a space where they feel secure and connected, so they don’t feel the need to hide anything.
Stay curious, stay calm, and keep reminding them that telling the truth is always okay-even when it feels hard.
Does your kid struggle with this too?