What is your area of hurt? Do you know what the desire behind that is?
Being the default parent can be exhausting. It can also be wonderful. Very often we talk with couples and the default parent doesn’t even want it to be “different” necessarily, but they do want some real effort from the default parent. And even more than that, they do not want to be taken for granted.
What is behind these things is different for every couple. But thematically what seems to be behind the rage of being a default parent is when our partner seems to just throw up their hands and leave us to it.
If you are in a cycle of feeling enraged by your partner and the ways you feel they perpetuate you being the default parent or do not even recognize how much being the default parent costs you, actually getting into the stories and details can be helpful so you can even know what anger and hurt you are trying to communicate.
Do you and your partner get stuck feeling missed in your experience? How does your conversation go? Where do you find yourselves getting derailed?