I’M GETTING WHIPLASH ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!
On one side of the aisle, I read: kids need responsibilities. It helps them feel like contributing members to their family, and it helps set the precedent that their role in the family is not just to receive…but to also give, learn, grow, and mature.
On the other side of the aisle, I read: let kids be kids! They have their whole life to learn chores.
Here’s my position: childhood is a period of incredible exploration. Our children are discovering how the world works AND their unique place within it.
And the purpose of childhood is to prepare for adulthood.
And I don’t know about you, but I’d like to raise some humans who know how to make more than mac n’ cheese in a cup, who understand that it’s not sanitary to put your outside shoes on the bed that you sleep in, and who know how to properly clean a toilet.
(Yes, those were issued I saw past roommates face in college.)
Hear me out: YESS childhood is about play. YESS childhood is about freedom from grown-up responsibilities.
But also: childhood is about learning. Discovery. Feeling accomplished. Gaining new skills.
I think the answer we’re all looking for falls smack dab in the center. We cannot force, but we can lead, guide, and encourage.
Age-Appropriate Responsibilities for Kids
Here’s a guide on what kids can do at different ages.
Responsibilities for Toddlers (Walking-2 Years)
- Keeping their bodies safe: “Gentle hands, inside voices.”
- Cleaning up their own messes: “You spilled the milk. Please grab the towel and clean it up. I’ll help you.”
- Dressing themselves: Make clothes easy to reach in the closet.
- Deciding how much food they eat and how they feed themselves.
- Cleaning up their toys: Use bins and places for toys.
- Toilet learning: Let them learn at their own pace.
- Light laundry tasks: Sorting colors, towels, etc.
- Light cleaning: Wiping surfaces, washing, vacuuming, or sweeping.
Responsibilities for Preschoolers (3-5 Years)
- Everything from the toddler stage, plus:
- Taking care of their closet: Hanging, folding, and storing their own clothes.
- Organizing their own rooms (with parental support and consistency).
- Helping at mealtime: Setting the table, clearing their place.
- Choosing their own friends and deciding who to play with.
Responsibilities for School-Aged Kids (6-9 Years)
- Everything from the preschool stage, plus:
- School-related responsibilities: Completing homework, preparing their backpack.
- Managing their time: Choosing how to spend their free time after completing responsibilities.
- Community involvement: Selecting extracurricular activities.
- Preparing simple foods: Making sandwiches, slicing fruit and veggies, pouring cereal, etc.
- Kitchen tasks: Loading/unloading the dishwasher, washing/drying dishes, keeping the pantry tidy.
- Helping with travel prep: Making a packing list and packing a suitcase.
- Participating in grocery shopping.
- Folding their own laundry.
- Dusting and daily tidying.
Responsibilities for Tweens (10-12 Years)
- Everything from the school-age stage, plus:
- Packing their own school lunch.
- Personal grooming: Nails, hair, etc.
- Developing independence: Being safe in the neighborhood without direct supervision.
- Staying home alone (based on maturity and state laws).
- Doing their own laundry independently.
- Helping with household chores: Mowing the lawn, gardening, washing cars, shoveling snow, raking leaves, cleaning bathrooms.
Responsibilities for Adolescents (13-15 Years)
- Everything from the tween stage, plus:
- Waking themselves up in the morning.
- Using public transportation independently.
- Going out with friends without adult supervision (movies, restaurants, bowling, etc.).
- Earning money through odd jobs (babysitting, lawn care, housework, etc.).
- Budgeting their own spending.
- Babysitting younger siblings or neighbor kids.
How to Introduce Responsibilities Without Overwhelming Kids
Start with small tasks and make them fun. This builds confidence and reduces resistance.
- Model the Behavior Kids learn best by example. If they see you handling responsibilities with a positive attitude, they are more likely to follow suit.
- Make It a Team Effort Frame chores as part of being in a family. “We all live here, so we all help out.”
- Set Clear Expectations Be specific about what needs to be done. Provide step-by-step guidance. Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” say, “Put your books on the shelf, clothes in the hamper, and toys in the bin.”
- Encourage Instead of Force If kids feel pressured, they may resist. Use encouragement and explain the “why” behind responsibilities.
- Praise Effort, Not Just Results Acknowledge their attempts, even if they don’t do things perfectly. This builds confidence and motivation to keep trying.
- Give Choices Let them have some say in their responsibilities. “Would you like to set the table or sweep the floor?”
- Make It Fun Turn chores into a game. Use timers, play music, or work together to make it more enjoyable.
PARENT YOURSELF FIRST
In this book, ⭐️PARENT YOURSELF FIRST⭐️, show you the steps for raising responsible, confident kids.
In it, you can expect lessons on:
⭐️Healing the child within you.
⭐️Connecting deeply with the child in front of you.
⭐️Mastering discipline in a clear, consistent, and connected way
⭐️Supporting the sibling and parent partner relationships.
The Goal Is Growth, Not Perfection
Raising responsible kids isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. The goal is not to create little adults but to help kids build confidence, independence, and essential life skills while enjoying their childhood.
It’s never too late (or too early) to become the parent you want to be. By leading with love and guiding with consistency, we can prepare our children for a future where they thrive, not just survive.
Because raising responsible, confident kids starts with YOU. 💛
